"ignoring the end and embracing the journey"

"I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions."
                                      ~Augusten Burroughs

The Martha House Ladies have decided it's time to start the count down until I leave for Uganda. That's how we anticipate all of our events and the routine is the same every time. Each morning at breakfast I erase the number of days on the white board, we look at the calendar, count the days until the occassion, and then I post it. The closer it gets to that event the louder the counting gets and the more excitement there is.

This time it's different though. You see my Pops is closing a chapter in my life. This time the count down is not only when I am heading out to Uganda, but also when my last day will be to work in Martha House. Instead of shouts of excitement we all sit and talk each morning about what the change will look like for all of us and I spend a few minutes each morning assuring these ladies that all will be okay....and in the process assuring myself.

I have had the absolute honor to live and work with these ladies for almost 2 years. That is a lot of life....and even now as I'm typing this I sit and wonder how it's possible that it flew by this quickly and now I only have 2 weeks left with them. That is only a breath of time.....and I refuse to not cherish every moment.

So what will life look like in 2 weeks? Well, Uganda of course. But what about after Uganda....oh that's a different story. Got a job-nopers, got a place to rest those red curls-looks like a family member's couch will work??, bills-oh yes, I will absolutely have those! Basically, life after Uganda is either a scary uncertainty or full of possibilites.

The past couple of weeks have led me to the point of being able to say, "okay Pops, let's do this!" But what a journey it has been.  I will be the first to admit that many a times in the past couple of weeks I have failed to embrace the change that was inevitable. It has been full of tears, frustrations, doubt, excitement, and then another round and then finally acceptance. **Note to self, I can not stop my Father's Will!

But you know what's the most ridiculous part of this entire process? What is still the hardest of all to adjust to? How gracious the Lord has been in all of it. I was stubborn-He was patient, I got angry or fearful-He used dear friends to encourage me, I doubted-and His Word spoke, and when I accepted what He had planned, instead of making me feel guilty, He overwhelmed me with His peace and reassurance that He was in complete control. That is the King I serve and that is beautiful.

Last Sunday I had the opportunity to worship with folks that I greatly treasure and the pastor discussed how in the most difficult of times we should not look to see what the end result will be. Not to do everything we can to get our own selfish outcome, but rather soak in what the Lord is doing during the journey. Embrace the hurt, the fear, the challenges....all of it, for then it is when we grow.

Yesterday, when I found out that this chapter at DHR was going to close, I called a friend and told him. He responded with, "well it's time to spread your wings and fly." So I guess that's what I'm gonna do. I never thought that at 27, I would be jobless, semi-homeless, and full of bills, but I won't fret. I will spend these last 2 weeks at DHR, investing all I have into the lives of our ranchers, I will fly out to Uganda, to spend 2 MONTHS with ones that are ready to hear about the unfathomable love of my Pops, and then........

well that's not for me to know yet so I'm just gonna ignore "the end" and embrace this journey that the Lord has me on right here and now and say with full confidence that it will be a beautiful one.