“See how happy the man is God corrects; so do not reject the discipline of the Almighty.” ~Job 5:17
It has taken me quite a long time to write this blog entry and even now I think it’ll all come out as this one big mess but sometimes that’s okay!
This past year will be marked as one of my biggest learning years in my walk with my Pops. Although it has been a difficult one it has most definitely been a beautiful journey… with these last few months being the most necessary of breaking and remolding.
Spending the summer in Uganda forever changed this little ole heart of mine. It was a time that tested my belief in the goodness of my King, a time where He allowed me to see how much He loves His people, and a time to heal some deep wounds of unworthiness.
When I came home life came at me at full force and adjustment was not fun. American life quickly frustrated me and it was hard to go back to living the life that I had when I knew that I was not the same. I arrived back in the states on a Friday and started my new job that following Monday. I spent the week of new teacher training jet lagged and survived thanks to coffee. One of the only things that I truly remember from that week is a co-worker telling me, “You know the more you talk the more I have questions!” I’m still not sure if that’s a good thing. I would spend the next month living out of a suitcase (grateful to my sister that hosted me) and getting to know an entire new staff. Come September, I moved into the city and realized quickly that I had a minor form of empty nest syndrome. For two years, my life consisted of supporting 4 other people in their time of independence and now I was in this apartment all by myself and having no clue what it meant to cook for one again. It is true that sometimes silence is deafening.
Something to know about me is that I love adventures and new journeys but for some reason this time was a bit different. As time continued on I found where I still felt out of sorts with everything going on. Life seemed to be speeding by and all I was doing was going through the motions of a daily routine. I missed living in the country, Uganda, and my old job. I hadn’t found a church and there were some friendships that unexpectedly changed. Although these are not dramatic changes and far less hardships than others are facing right now, I still saw where it was beginning to take a toll on my spirit.
I am deeply grateful for my family and friends that have been a light these past couple of months. Reminding me of scripture and reminding me what an adventurous time this could be if only I would wait to see what He would do. I began to ask my Pops to open my heart and be willing to understand why this “adjustment time” was good for me. He said read Job. Now Job is not the most uplifting of books to start off with and can even be a bit depressing if I’m gonna be honest, but my Pops was persistent and so I began to seek Him there. I haven’t finished yet and am taking it piece by piece but oh dear friends am I being challenged! The biggest piece that I’m chewing on right now is being disciplined and not being a whiner about it, but rather praising Him during this time. Praising Him that He chooses to work with me in these areas that are needed and learning that through being disciplined, remolded, refined…it brings me closer to Him and that overwhelms me.
One thing I have asked of Him, since being back from Uganda, was to have a time to rest and reset. I am very thankful that He has allowed that time. I am currently on my 2 weeks of vacation from work. For CHRISTmas my family was all over this country and even though I had my pick of those adventures to go on I decided to stay back. It was a bit hard and sad to not be with my family on CHRISTmas day, but I did spend a lot of time on the road and that meant time with my Pops. Time to rest, reflect, and listen. All things that I knew were needed.
So where does it all go from here? Through prayer, Word, and encouragement I am embracing this new chapter. There are still some things that I am working through and understanding that sometimes we don’t always get answers to question that we have but that doesn’t mean we stop seeking Him. I’m still stubborn about some things and am selfish in almost everything but am grateful that He still loves me so and is patient with me.
As 2013, quickly approaches I am eager to see where this journey will take me and what adventures my Pops will send me on. I challenge each of you reading this to ask Him to evaluate your heart and to see where you need to be refined and disciplined. To embrace that He wants to challenge and wrestle with you and most importantly that He wants to build a relationship with you and have you dwell in His presence.
I guarantee it'll be worth it!!